Tag Archives: spiritualism

Subtle discomforts

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I haven’t posted here for a while. As well as being very busy, there was a strange discomfort that I couldn’t quite put my finger on.

This morning, I realised what it was. I’d probably known all along, but I finally acknowledged it.

When I published my Sugar Free book, I decided to give Facebook a go, despite disliking it as a concept for years. Obviously, if you’re going to use it for marketing purposes, then it made sense to link my blogposts to it.

I still hated it. More importantly, its open door policy and spooky algorithm meant that everyone I may have ever known was being suggested to me in other places, such as my Instagram. Even people who I don’t want to be part of my life. It was like a sledgehammer of suggestions that kept poking sore spots.

So this morning I deleted my Facebook account. I’m under no illusions that it will make all the problems instantly go away. But I realised I don’t want the downsides it brings, no matter what the upsides might be.

It feels good. If something bothers you, then get rid of it, even if other people tell you it’s a ‘must have’ item. Trust your own instincts. They’re probably right about things more times than you realise.

Floating: why it is beneficial to my physical and mental health

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Everyone who knows me understands that I inhabit a strange place between logical efficiency and unconstrained creativity. Essentially, this:

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In reality, I try to be efficient so I can get the things I must do out of the way as quickly as possible, so that I can enjoy the things I want to do. Like a lot of people, I frequently seem to slide down the slippery slope towards getting more done, rather than getting the right things done.

Luckily for me, just under a year ago, Time To Float opened up nearby. Before, I had travelled to London to float, but for anyone in the centre of the England, this is infinitely more convenient. So, why did I try it and why do I keep doing it?

1. Sleep

I’ve put this first, because it is the one I can actively measure. I’ve always ‘felt’ like I slept better after floating, but having recently started wearing a fitbit, I was interested to see if my gut feel actually resembled reality.

Apparently, it does:

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I selected two nights, one from the week before floating and the second from the week after. Both had a similar amount of ‘total’ sleep. But you can see the quality of that sleep was markedly different. After floating I had prolonged periods of sleep without restlessness (the light blue bars that make the first picture look more like a barcode). This was really interesting to see and I’m glad it’s not just all in my head.

2. Physical Relaxation

The physical effect of floating is a strange one. At first, I find that it is like lying down on a really comfortable bed. Then I start to become aware of areas such as my neck and shoulders relaxing, letting go of a tension that I’ve simply become used to feeling. I try to use a standing desk at home, because prolonged periods of sitting during my workday makes the problem so much worse. Even doing that, I still find my shoulders tensing in response to any stressful scenario. Feeling that tension disappear is amazing.

Finally, when the session is over, trying to stand is almost hilarious. My body gets used to being weightless very quickly, so when my feet get back on the earth it feels like my limbs are made of lead. For a few moments you are aware of gravity in a way that can be achieved by little else. I tend to be a little zoned out for a while after and have to take advantage of the chill out area.

3. Creative/Strategic Thinking

Unlike sleep, this can’t be quantified with a chart. But I notice it every time, depending on what phase of life I am in. If I’ve been juggling multiple projects and can feel the beginnings of burnout and poor decision making, then floating allows me the clarity to get to the higher levels. Most people don’t apply strategic thinking to their daily lives, but I have no intention of getting to 80 and wondering how I ended up in a place I never wanted to be. The sensory deprivation may be a part of it. But it certainly works.

Alternatively, there are times when I just want to come up with new ideas. They may be for my writing, or they may be for other side projects. Sometimes I go into the session with a problem already in mind, giving myself a chance to really think about it in the silence. The aha! moment usually comes a few hours later, seemingly out of nowhere, but really from the freed up depths of my subconscious. Other times I am open to whatever my brain comes up with when it is allowed to do nothing but think. I’ve recently been reading Greg McKeown’s Essentialism and I can see how floating provides me with a fast track to getting that clarity. Although it is easy to understand the physical effects, the psychological ones are as profound.

So those are the key benefits of floating for me. There are many more that are important for other people, but these are the ones that have had a positive impact on my own life. If you think that could work for you, then definitely check it out.

 

The importance of finding peace

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Saying things have been crazy lately is an understatement. I know everyone in today’s world feels overwhelmingly busy most of the time. I’ve spent years putting systems in place to allow me to manage multiple products and still be uber-productive, but even I have had several moments of complete overload. I already know my yearly review of 2015 will be quite something.

Even my morning journalling, a time solely dedicated for quiet reflection, has been interrupted by a compulsion to check my phone, having random ideas that need capturing elsewhere and, quite frankly, the fidgetiness of a five year old.

It kind of defeats the point.

But the absence of peace and stillness has made me realise how important it has become to me. Not to sound like some hippy white person trying to be an eastern self-styled guru, but there is so much to be said for the practices of mindfulness and gratitude. Of just being in the moment and being part of the world around you. Of being able to appreciate an autumn sunset, rather than just whizzing past it on your way to somewhere else.

Lake Windermere

It has been manic, and there is more to come. Nanowrimo is coming up and I have six days to complete it in. This is not one of my crazy, self-imposed deadlines and I’m certainly not going to try and beat last year’s three day completion, but I won’t actually have access to my computer from day seven. So it’s either type or fail and I’m not the kind of person who relishes failure.

But it seems to me that in order to keep moving forwards, one needs to be intentional about standing still. About appreciating where you are and where you are going rather than just charging forward blindly. Life is about progress, but not necessarily about speed.

It will be over before you want it to be anyway, so don’t rush to a final location that may not really be where you ever dreamed you would go.

Finding my inner calm

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One of my goals for this year was being able to meditate for 30 minutes. I am nothing if not ambitious. I think the most I achieved was 4 before getting completely frustrated and distracted. Oh, and really, really uptight and anxious.

I’m pretty sure that’s not what’s meant to happen. It was certainly not what I was hoping to get out of it.

Then I had an interesting conversation with someone at work who pointed out that feeling the state people (other than me) achieve while meditating is more to do with being in the state of flow, rather than specifically being able to put your ankles on your hips and say ohhhmmmmmm.

A lot of people get this state from running. That’s never worked for me either. The only thing I get from running is aching hips and a weird heart rhythm for the next three hours. Again, not relaxing.

That’s when I heard that people were using Julia Cameron’s Morning Pages principles to not only become creatively unstuck, but also to get that sense of peaceful personal insight that comes from meditation. I took one look and realised I had the four things needed to make this engaging for me:

  1. Plenty of attractive notebooks
  2. Even more pens
  3. Even more inks
  4. Also some coffee and candles to create a bit of ambience and a sense of ritual.

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So I decided to give it a go.

I started on the 6th July. Since then I’ve got through nearly three A5 lined notebooks (think moleskine, although I’ve discovered that a Leuchtturm 1917 is much better in terms of paper quality and features. Especially when using my current favourite fountain pen and ink combo, the TWSBI 580 1.1 Stub nib with Iroshizuku yama-budo). Turns out I’ve got a lot of thoughts going on.

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The benefits have been pretty significant. I make sure that I start each set with three gratitudes. Not just in a list form, but really describing what I’m grateful for and why. After that, it’s whatever springs to mind. It can be positive, negative or just really, really boring.

Even though I’ve only been doing it for just over a month, I’ve already found I’m calmer and less responsive to external stress when it happens. I’ve become better at creative problem solving, both at work and play. I’ve become more willing to trust the universe, or whatever it is out there. Slowly, I’m becoming more accepting of myself. With that, comes a growing confidence too. Those last two points are a much gentler curve, but there is progress now where there used to be none.

So I’ve redefined my goal. It is no longer meditate for 30 minutes, but instead 30 minutes of daily meditative practices.

Sometimes, it’s about walking the road that’s right for you, not the one most travelled.

Happiness is the key

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I am very goals driven. I have no idea how that came to be, other than perhaps the fact I am a control freak with parents who demanded the very best from me at all times, with an innate sense of dissatisfaction with the status quo I carry round with me permanently. Maybe. Just guessing.

Despite that, I’m constantly battling that part of myself which is actually happiest when I have nothing to do and all day to do it. Laziness is the first word that springs to mind. But is it, really? Is it lazy to take time out to recharge? Isn’t that why everyone loves holidays so much? Even the busy sight-seeing types are built around doing something inherently fun, not goal driven. True, visiting a certain country or city might be a bucket list item, but it’s not driven by the work/achievement reward system.

I’m a productivity junkie. I can’t help it. I love all that kind of stuff. Smarter, faster, leaner. Not harder. Better. Get the very most out of the time we have available. And yet…?

Increasingly it becomes clear that time out is the key to making that all work. Without it, the goals themselves come to lack satisfaction, even if they are achieved with speed and precision, excelling all expectations. We lose sight of what actually matters most, when it all becomes about ticking a box. All tasks, if we’re not careful, come to take on equal weight.

Life isn’t like that.

A three day weekend could have been about cramming something into every second to make sure the extra time away from work wasn’t wasted. Whilst it’s true that I got a few things off the list, yesterday was mainly about being still. About taking the time to think about what I was feeling as much as where I was going. I’ve recently switched up to writing my journal in the morning rather than the evening, so it becomes about being mindful at the beginning of the day, not simply reflective at the end. So far this appears to be working for me. It will need a longer run to see if it’s sustainable, but if it is, then I think it could be one of the keys to enjoying life more, rather than doing life more.

Time is short. Life is precious. But being successful – in our modern definition of the word – doesn’t automatically equate to looking back on a life lived with no regrets. I’ve spent the past few months letting go of dreams I’ve held too tightly for over a decade. It’s been painful, but it’s allowed me to see the bigger picture again. It’s opened up the space to allow me to dream more; dream bigger. Like letting go of your first love so you can actually make room in your life for finding your true love.

It can feel like losing a part of yourself, but like pruning a rose bush, it just allows you to come back bigger and stronger than you were before.

A necessary hiatus

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So, I have broken the cardinal sin of blogging: I have been inconsistent. It has been three weeks since my last post. I’m not sure what the blogging gods require in order to provide absolution, but let’s pretend it’s done.

Sadly, blogging would have been at the expense of something else, and everything I needed to do – all my other commitments – ranked higher compared to losing a couple of hours each week to maintain a consistent schedule. Of course, there was the alternative; churn something out on time at all costs, no matter how dreadful or false, knowing that only a handful of people read these anyway. Hi mom! Who am I kidding? There’s nothing in here interesting enough for my mom.

So, taking a break from blogging was part of a more sustained step back from social media in general. Why? Because it hasn’t been serving me. With the general election on this side of the pond and Hillary running for president on the other, I didn’t need the daily grind of news articles highlighting the general fear of women in politics. Yup, even though we’ve had the vote for ages, it’s still painfully obvious in the blatant sexism, objectification and willingness to throw in a nasty smear campaign. To be fair, that seems to be the tone of this election anyway regardless. It’s exhausting. And viewing it through social media such as Twitter (because I still believe Facebook to be the work of the devil so I don’t have to look at anything there), actually makes me less engaged, rather than more.

Because it actually encourages people to feel good about armchair politics.

To tweet their opinions, often brimming with 140 characters of righteous indignation, about a political candidate or a party when they can’t be bothered to actually join or donate to the party they claim to support. They don’t actually get off the couch and knock on doors, or get involved in any kind of political activism to actually change the world for the good of mankind. Yet somehow hitting send gives the brain the satisfying sensation that something has been done. In reality, nothing has changed. Even if you feel that you have shown some support, or awareness, the people who need that are unlikely to see it. Not like they would if you volunteered at your local food bank or soup kitchen, or actively put your ass on the line to improve race or religious relations in your community.

I am as guilty of this as anyone, of feeling this sense that hitting send means something real. I’ve faced up to the hard and painful fact it doesn’t. That I haven’t done anything other than opine. I’m doing here. The irony is not lost on me.

But that is the reality – harsh as it may sound – and in the current political climate, seeing more of it meant hitting the critical mass point to hammer the truth home to me. Some days, Twitter has been a downright angry place, and scrolling through my timeline feels like I’m being shouted at for ten minutes. What can I say about suffering in Nepal? Nothing, I live in one of the most tectonically stable countries in the world. I spent six months in New Zealand and a couple of hard quakes sent me running like a baby back home. What can I say about race relations in America? Nothing. I can have a vague sense of right or wrong, but I can’t feel like an opinion of mine would embrace the nuances of a situation when I’ve grown up without the weight of cultural history on my shoulders.

So, taking a break, assessing myself and my values honestly rather than in a way that simply makes me feel good and validated, was something I needed to do. Ultimately, I felt the need to write about it before normal posting resumes. If you’ve made it this far, then thank you for letting me share it with you.

Book Review: The War of Art

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I had heard much talk of Pressfield’s The War of Art, but it always remained tucked on the back of my to read list. Then, as serrendipitous conversation with a colleague led to her lending me the book. Suddenly, all those reviews about it being a game changer made complete sense.

 Most of use have two lives. The life we live and the unlived life within us. Between the two stands Resistance.

The concept is simple: resistance. We all feel it, we all succumb to it. This book is for anyone who has dreams – hopefully big dreams – that never seem to get closer to being tangible. I’m not talking pie in the sky, wishy washy vague aspirations. I’m talking about those people who know there is something more important they should be doing, perhaps something they were put on this earth to do, yet never actually moving forwards. Because resistance gets to us all.

The Book is itself divided into three ‘books’ and the first one ‘Resistance – defining the enemy’ is perhaps one of the easiest things I’ve ever read. I positively devoured each page, recognising myself staring back in among the words. Pressfield has mastered the art of the bite size chunk. It is both brutal and inspiring at the same time.

Book Two ‘Combating Resistance’ was a bit slower, less immediate, with more to digest in each section. I found myself naturally pausing more and thinking about what was being said, rather than having an instantaneous response.

Book Three ‘Beyond Resistance’ is more spiritual in some ways, but also more empowering. Whilst it explores the concept that we might have a reason for being, a talent for want of a better word, breaking past our own fear and being that true self is not automatic. It is still up to us to do the work. To take those first steps, to follow through and finally to complete. It doesn’t sugar-coat anything; just completing once is unlikely to be enough, it is in persistence and continued moving past resistance that the the higher ground can be found.

This book is an easy read in the grand scheme of things. More importantly, for those teetering on the edge, it has a knack for providing a mind shift towards getting off your backside and achieving the best you can be.

war of art

I can’t wait to read Turning Pro.

On never being 37

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This is a bit of a personal post, so if that’s not your thing, then feel free to head back off to somewhere else. Of course, it’s actually a post about avoidance and how the big events of our lives sometimes impact us in strange ways unless we realise it.

I am actually 37. Despite the title of the post, I didn’t get to skip the year. Aliens did not kidnap me nor did I get frozen in time. I have been 37 for many months, but from the day I turned 37, I started saying I was nearly 38. Not nearly 40, or some other universal milestone event. 38.

Why?

When I realised I’ve been doing it, it was immediately obvious. My mother was 38 when my dad died. His death was, hands down, the most monumental and life-altering moment of my existence. The effects of it have reverberated across my family and through the years. At the heart of it, I couldn’t imagine being so young and losing the love of your life. Losing, in the process, your own, in a very real way.

Being 38 has become symbolic to me of something deeper. Something terrifying. Something I am drawn towards and yet don’t really want to arrive. Something that is now, after months of saying that I’m nearly at it, I actually am beginning to approach.

We inherit the things that go before us, whether we want them or not. We can let them define us, or we can acknowledge them and accept them, before walking our own path. I am trying to cling tight to the idea of the latter, even as the clock ticks down towards a time that has become something of a monster in the back of my mind.

Can you get worse at meditation?

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At the beginning of the year, one of my main goals for 2015 was to get to the point where I could meditate for 30 minutes. I knew that it wouldn’t be easy, so I used the calm app for my phone so I could work my way through, starting with small chunks and building up.

Despite setting my expectations low, it’s been harder than I thought. I assumed that it would start off difficult but then I would have longer and longer periods of a calm and quiet mind. Instead, the voices are getting louder.

I’m not sure if this is a normal thing. There is a chance that I’m at that point which occurs with most things; the bit where it gets so bad you want to give up before the breakthrough. It could be that I’m actually getting worse at it. I might be the first person to ever end a year’s worth of meditation more stressed out than when I started.

I don’t want to give up on this though. Not just yet. I have a few more strategies I’m going to try:

1) changing the time of day. I’ve been doing it just before bed, but maybe that’s not right for me. Instead, I’m going to try to move it to part of my 6am morning routine, before I have the chaos of the day built up inside of me.

2) change the frequency. I set myself a goal of doing it three times a week, because that seems doable. It means it doesn’t form a habit though, so the inertia sets in between each session. While it might seem crazy to say I’m going to do it more when I’m already struggling to do it less, I can see the benefit of making it part of my daily routine.

3) reduce the time back down again. I’ve been trying to do ten minute blocks, because that seemed reasonable. It could be that sitting for ten minutes right now is more than my brain can handle, so it allows itself to turn into a free-for-all. Going down to five minutes (or perhaps even three), until I can see some progress might be enough for now. I can build up again when I’m ready.

So that’s the plan. If anyone has any helpful hints, or has been through this and come out the other side, then please let me know!

My Top 5 Podcasts of 2014

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They say you become an approximation of the five people you hang out with most. Given that I’m a writer who works from home three days a week, that would be two actual other people, followed by me, myself and I. Luckily, I listen to a lot of podcasts. Yet I know a lot of people don’t, so here’s a few reasons why you should.

Firstly, there is a whole heap of them out there, so you’ll be able to find something to suit your mood. Secondly, because there are so many, if you have a niche interest, with a bit of hunting around, you will find one about your odd subject of choice. If you don’t, you can always start one yourself. There’s even podcasts on how to make podcasts. See what I mean? Plethora of information. Finally, in order to get you to listen, people essentially give away a condensed version of their content for free. This is a great way to try before you buy, especially in the world of business, where conferences and books can cost a fortune. Go on. Give it a try.

So, without further ado, here they are (with twitter links to their creators/presenters):

Top podcast of 2014

The Pen Addict with Myke Hurley & Brad Dowdy

See what I mean about a niche interest? My long-held secret crush for pens and notebooks finally blossomed into true love due to these men. Which sounds much nicer than calling them the pen-pushing enablers they really are. The shows are always fun and informative, and for anyone who does a lot of longhand writing (or drawing), just knowing some of the best pens out there can make your life so much easier. They do the hard work so you don’t have to. Plus, they are a super nice pair of guys following their dreams, which I always admire (you can check out Brad’s Nock Co pen cases here. They are awesome – my Hightower goes everywhere with me).

Top Businesses Podcast

This is Your Life by Michael Hyatt

I’ve put this under business, but it is so much more than that. Michael’s tagline is that it is a podcast about intentional leadership, but I think it goes much deeper. It certainly deals with brand and platform, alongside how to be a better leader, but it is not actually all career specific. A lot of what Michael focuses on is the principles and ethics which lie beneath these decisions, and in a cut-throat world where a lot of people will do anything to get one foot further up the ladder, it is a refreshing reminder that honesty and integrity on the things that really matter. It is about achieving your goals and ambitions in the right way, not ‘at any cost’.

Top Writing Podcast

Writing Excuses with Brandon Sanderson, Dan Wells, Howard Taylor and Mary Robinette Kowal

In my humble opinion, anyone who is – or wants to be – a writer should be listening to this podcast. I’ve actually been listening to it for years, but during my little writing sabbatical at the beginning of the year I was able to go back and re-listen to many of them to get the really good stuff out. For a podcast which is only 15 minutes long, it is amazing that they manage to get so much useful information into an episode with four people talking. Each of them brings a different perspective to the topic, meaning that even if one person’s tips and tricks don’t work for you, there is a good chance that someone else’s will. Also great if you like reading in general, comics and occasional buffoonery.

Top Getting Up Podcast

5AM Miracle with Jeff Sanders

Now, you might not think that ‘Getting Up’ is a category, but let me assure you it is. It might never have been called that before, but early rising has been a hot topic in 2014. I’ve been getting up at 6am to write for years now. I’ve not made it to 5am yet, but I think 6 is a pretty reasonable compromise. It’s not easy, even when you’re getting up to do something you love. Jeff’s podcast is a good way of not only finding that motivation, but also tips and tricks to make it easier once you’ve dragged your sorry backside from under the duvet on a cold, dark Monday morning. Covering productivity and healthier living, this podcast has matured greatly over the past twelve months and it has been great to follow Jeff’s journey through this.

Best Health & Wellness Podcast

Jillian Michaels with Jillian Michaels and Janice Ungaro

Another misleading header, as although this podcast started out as health and fitness, it has now grown into having a nice catchup with friends talking about whatever the topic of the day is. And that is just fine with me. Janice gets a mention here because although she’s technically the producer, she has become the other half of this comedy act. The thing that I love the most about this is that Jillian talks with complete honesty – there is no hiding behind the PR company here. It’s like sitting round in a coffee shop with a bunch of friends that you know are slightly crazy but you love them anyway. The serious stuff gets slipped in there somewhere along the way without ever sounding too preachy.

So that’s my roundup. It’s been a good year for consuming audio material and seriously, if you haven’t tried podcasts before, then go find one. Free and easy, just like libraries. What do you have to lose?