Category Archives: Better Living

Health, personal development and productivity tips

Life, Death and Achieving Goals

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So, I have once again committed the cardinal sin of the aspiring author. Neglecting my platform building yadda, yadda, yadda. But now, as the crazy months of summer begin to fade, I thought it would be a good time to return. Because this week has been about reflecting on life, acknowledging death and celebrating achieving goals.

It is important, for this first time in my life, I am seeing these things and being grateful for them in a context where it’s not all about me. Yes, the past few months have been crazy, but that is because I have spent so much time helping other people do what they can to live out the best life they can offer themselves. My own dreams and aspirations certainly haven’t been on the back burner, as I’ve actually continued to be consistent about getting up at 6am each morning and doing my 1500 words. I’ve even taken the plunge and started submitting again. But I am also starting to appreciate the joy that comes from building a close network of strong relationships where everyone is invested in giving each other a hand up when they can.

sunsetAnd this celebration of living a good life was brought to a poignant reminder this week when I attended the funeral of a friend who had finally lost a long battle with a brain tumour. It was my first humanist service and it was quite beautiful. The clear emphasis on celebrating life rather than mourning and resenting death seemed so appropriate. Never ever had I seen her complain about her lot in life or do anything other than live each day to the very best of her capabilities. People always imagine they will be tirelessly strong and positive in these kinds of life-altering scenarios, but few actually are when the chips are down. It was an inspiration to see; even though it took death to make me really aware of it.

Finally, in the spirit of appreciation, my sister has achieved a goal she has been working towards and I am so proud of her. Not just for the success, but for the completion of such an immense task in the face of odds which would make a normal person throw their hands up and walk away. The outcome is fantastic, but for me the privilege has been watching her take the journey and letting me walk with her some of the way. When she cracks open a bottle of champagne tonight, I will also raise a glass here, no doubt in the direction of the old man’s urn on the windowsill there, because I know he would have loved the chance to be as proud of her as I am.

Jack of all trades, master of some

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I’ve come to a bit of a realisation. For most of us, specialism is dead.

I’m talking in a work sense here, rather than anything else, although I do wonder if the same principles apply. Sure, some roles will always be very specific. I mean, you don’t want to be operated on by someone who ‘dips in and out’ of being a surgeon. But in the fast paced world we are now living in, even those with a specific craft or skill will need to adapt quickly to ever-changing scenarios.

For the rest of us, everything is now fluid. Core skills (literacy, numeracy etc) will probably always be required at the heart of most roles. But now there are other important skills that need to be brought to the workplace: flexibility, innovation, creativity, persuasion and a learning mindset. It can be bewildering, but I also realised something great:

For those of us who have never wanted one of those very specific, narrowly defined roles, this is the best time to be in the workforce.

Because there will always be something new to jump into, if you see the opportunity and take it. I have an English degree and my masters was studying Critical Theory. Strangely, neither of them appear at all applicable to any of the jobs I have held, yet they have been the foundation of everything. Communication and appraising a scenario, seeing a problem and defining a resolution is a great thing to be able to do. And, if you’re prepared to learn a little code here, a little statistics there, then top it up with a hefty dose of project management, you can play the game in just about any industry.

Being a Jack of all trades is no longer a bad thing.

Happiness is the key

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I am very goals driven. I have no idea how that came to be, other than perhaps the fact I am a control freak with parents who demanded the very best from me at all times, with an innate sense of dissatisfaction with the status quo I carry round with me permanently. Maybe. Just guessing.

Despite that, I’m constantly battling that part of myself which is actually happiest when I have nothing to do and all day to do it. Laziness is the first word that springs to mind. But is it, really? Is it lazy to take time out to recharge? Isn’t that why everyone loves holidays so much? Even the busy sight-seeing types are built around doing something inherently fun, not goal driven. True, visiting a certain country or city might be a bucket list item, but it’s not driven by the work/achievement reward system.

I’m a productivity junkie. I can’t help it. I love all that kind of stuff. Smarter, faster, leaner. Not harder. Better. Get the very most out of the time we have available. And yet…?

Increasingly it becomes clear that time out is the key to making that all work. Without it, the goals themselves come to lack satisfaction, even if they are achieved with speed and precision, excelling all expectations. We lose sight of what actually matters most, when it all becomes about ticking a box. All tasks, if we’re not careful, come to take on equal weight.

Life isn’t like that.

A three day weekend could have been about cramming something into every second to make sure the extra time away from work wasn’t wasted. Whilst it’s true that I got a few things off the list, yesterday was mainly about being still. About taking the time to think about what I was feeling as much as where I was going. I’ve recently switched up to writing my journal in the morning rather than the evening, so it becomes about being mindful at the beginning of the day, not simply reflective at the end. So far this appears to be working for me. It will need a longer run to see if it’s sustainable, but if it is, then I think it could be one of the keys to enjoying life more, rather than doing life more.

Time is short. Life is precious. But being successful – in our modern definition of the word – doesn’t automatically equate to looking back on a life lived with no regrets. I’ve spent the past few months letting go of dreams I’ve held too tightly for over a decade. It’s been painful, but it’s allowed me to see the bigger picture again. It’s opened up the space to allow me to dream more; dream bigger. Like letting go of your first love so you can actually make room in your life for finding your true love.

It can feel like losing a part of yourself, but like pruning a rose bush, it just allows you to come back bigger and stronger than you were before.

Ted Talk Discovery: Anand Varma and his bees

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Ted Talks are one of the most amazing resources available to anyone who has free access to the internet. Just about anything you want to know, someone has probably done a TED talk about it. Whilst most of the time I search for things that relate directly to either creativity or productivity, I occasionally stumble across something else entirely.

Which is how I discovered Anand Varma’s talk on bees. It’s really short (around 10 minutes) and you can get to it here: take me to the bees. Anand has some really stunning photography included as part of his talk, which is always amazing to see when you’re working with nature at that macro level.

I’ve been following the decline of the bee population for quite some time. It is one of those threats to humanity that we don’t seem to take seriously enough. But when a bunch of these critters are responsible for a third of the world’s pollination, the act of which we require to survive if we ever want to eat anything that isn’t cow, it’s worth thinking about.

It’s great to see that scientists are doing what they can to prevent bees (and therefore ourselves) from potentially dying out. I like that a tempered note was included with the sentiment; it seems that selective breeding has already produced consequences in the form of angry bees. Given that humans have been playing around with breeding for as long as we’ve been able to spot a couple of strong plants or animals and force them into cuddling, it’s good to see that the potential for disaster as a result of our meddling is being acknowledged as freely as the potential for good. All too often in history, the quest for one thing has blinded us to considering the consequences. Guys who released Cane Toads into Australia, I’m looking at you.

Either way, I hope the bee population remains vibrant (and gentle) for a good many years to come.

You can check out more of Anand’s photography at varmaphoto.com

A necessary hiatus

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So, I have broken the cardinal sin of blogging: I have been inconsistent. It has been three weeks since my last post. I’m not sure what the blogging gods require in order to provide absolution, but let’s pretend it’s done.

Sadly, blogging would have been at the expense of something else, and everything I needed to do – all my other commitments – ranked higher compared to losing a couple of hours each week to maintain a consistent schedule. Of course, there was the alternative; churn something out on time at all costs, no matter how dreadful or false, knowing that only a handful of people read these anyway. Hi mom! Who am I kidding? There’s nothing in here interesting enough for my mom.

So, taking a break from blogging was part of a more sustained step back from social media in general. Why? Because it hasn’t been serving me. With the general election on this side of the pond and Hillary running for president on the other, I didn’t need the daily grind of news articles highlighting the general fear of women in politics. Yup, even though we’ve had the vote for ages, it’s still painfully obvious in the blatant sexism, objectification and willingness to throw in a nasty smear campaign. To be fair, that seems to be the tone of this election anyway regardless. It’s exhausting. And viewing it through social media such as Twitter (because I still believe Facebook to be the work of the devil so I don’t have to look at anything there), actually makes me less engaged, rather than more.

Because it actually encourages people to feel good about armchair politics.

To tweet their opinions, often brimming with 140 characters of righteous indignation, about a political candidate or a party when they can’t be bothered to actually join or donate to the party they claim to support. They don’t actually get off the couch and knock on doors, or get involved in any kind of political activism to actually change the world for the good of mankind. Yet somehow hitting send gives the brain the satisfying sensation that something has been done. In reality, nothing has changed. Even if you feel that you have shown some support, or awareness, the people who need that are unlikely to see it. Not like they would if you volunteered at your local food bank or soup kitchen, or actively put your ass on the line to improve race or religious relations in your community.

I am as guilty of this as anyone, of feeling this sense that hitting send means something real. I’ve faced up to the hard and painful fact it doesn’t. That I haven’t done anything other than opine. I’m doing here. The irony is not lost on me.

But that is the reality – harsh as it may sound – and in the current political climate, seeing more of it meant hitting the critical mass point to hammer the truth home to me. Some days, Twitter has been a downright angry place, and scrolling through my timeline feels like I’m being shouted at for ten minutes. What can I say about suffering in Nepal? Nothing, I live in one of the most tectonically stable countries in the world. I spent six months in New Zealand and a couple of hard quakes sent me running like a baby back home. What can I say about race relations in America? Nothing. I can have a vague sense of right or wrong, but I can’t feel like an opinion of mine would embrace the nuances of a situation when I’ve grown up without the weight of cultural history on my shoulders.

So, taking a break, assessing myself and my values honestly rather than in a way that simply makes me feel good and validated, was something I needed to do. Ultimately, I felt the need to write about it before normal posting resumes. If you’ve made it this far, then thank you for letting me share it with you.

The importance of a quarterly review

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We’re at the end of March. Which means one thing: quarterly review time!

For years I have been a follower of David Allen’s Getting Things Done system. It works. In my opinion, it is the first step in allowing you to start being more productive in all areas of your life, not just your career. I think one of the common misconceptions about the whole GTD methodology is that it is just for work. For go-getting executive types. The ones with the sharp suits. Spoiler alert: that’s not me.

What I am is a busy person with a tendency to over-commit. I also keep a level head in a crisis and in the face of overwhelm, which helps people believe that they can dump more sh!t on me because I am keeping my head above water. It’s great, really. I love it.

But being productive is only one part of the picture. I don’t want to be super-efficient at all the wrong things. That is about as fulfilling in the long term as doing nothing at all. So while a lot of people focus on the lists and gadgets to implement GTD, for me the most important – and oft overlooked – part is the weekly review.

In order to really stay on track though, I think it is vital to implement a quarterly review. Why? I hear no-one ask, because that sounds like just another thing to add to the list. I’m going to tell you anyway. You can say thank you later.

It gives you a chance to course correct

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans – Woody Allen. We set out at the beginning of the year with the best information available at the time. Then external circumstances change. Even if you’ve been making good progress, if things have changed too much, you’ll just keep getting further and further away from the new best end result. Every three months is a good time to assess those changes and course correct as necessary.

It motivates you when you see how much you’ve achieved

I’ve already hit the my first big writing goal of the year. I’ve got a huge house project that’s been hanging around for ages done at last. Sure, I’ve not been perfect, but it’s not been terrible.

It gives you a framework to address consistent areas of weakness

I haven’t hit any of my health goals for this year. In fact, it’s the one area of my life that when I look back over the past three months, I see consistently poor and even backwards progress in some cases. We’ve all got these areas on our life. The hardest part is facing up to them. This is your chance to do so.

*puts down doughnut*

It means you don’t look at your New Years Resolutions in December and realise you’ve wasted another year

Because we’ve all done that, right?

A few quick step-by-step approaches

1. Review the goals you set at the beginning of the year and assess the progress you’ve made. Honestly.

2. Get rid of those goals you added on because you thought you should, not because you wanted to. You’ve got no reason to do them, not emotionally, so they’ll just clog up your list. You need goals that you’ve connected to, the ones that have a why? attached.

3. Have you been capturing all those things you need to do into somewhere reliable? If not, do a mindsweep and do it now. Put it on paper, on your laptop, your smartphone, whatever you choose. Just make it somewhere you’ll look that you trust.

4. Look over your life – all areas, all levels. Is what you’re doing consistent with your roles and responsibilities? Your dreams? Your 2-5 year vision? There’s no great mystery behind this. If you start doing it, honestly, you’ll find some part of your psyche tugging you towards something if you’re off track.

5. What next action steps do you need to take to get moving again on your goals?

6. Pick one of them and do it immediately once the review ends.

That’s it. It really is that simple. All it takes is the commitment and will to move forwards.

Good luck!

GTD-Workflow

Why I achieve more by taking a proper break

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I need a holiday. 

I know that is a phrase people use a lot. If you’re American, or some other nationality where vacations are your preferred terminology, then I apologise. I’ll be holidaying all the way through this post and beyond.

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I genuinely don’t understand people who don’t use all their annual leave. Especially in places where you get two weeks a year. I’d emigrate. Seriously. I was all set to move to a job in Canada until I realised I’d only get that much time off a year. A regular break allows you to rest. Recharge. Come back stronger and more creative than ever, in both your personal and business pursuits.

Anyway, I always want a holiday. Most people do. In a world where global travel is easier than ever, it’s a dream that is always tantalisingly in reach. But I’ve also reached that point where I know when I need one. The two things are very distinct. Needing one comes when the alternative is curling up into a ball each morning unable to face the prospect of another day of ‘stuff’.

When I need a holiday, anything that takes effort becomes ‘stuff’. Working out. Reading. Getting up. Brushing my teeth… Luckily, my requirements for a break are very simple:

No real connection with the outside world, other than emergency communication. Any tweets / blogposts to fill the gap are prescheduled. Wifi is a curse on holiday, not a blessing.

Some sun and sea is always nice.

I always gravitate to the ocean

I always gravitate to the ocean

Having someone cook for me. I love to cook, and I do all the cooking in this house, so having someone prepare meals for me always feels like a treat.

Time to read. Oh how I wish I had more time to read. I love being able to binge read on holiday.

Time to write. Specifically, time to come up with ideas. To brainstorm. To invent interesting characters and devious plots. To reconnect with the enjoyment of writing, rather than the business strategy that comes with it. Writing longhand in a cool notebook under a palm tree. Occasionally while channeling Hemingway with the alcohol to go with it…

Did I mention the sun?

Sleep, with no alarm. I tend to still wake before 7am on holiday, but I love being able to come round to a natural gentle alertness, rather than the bloody marimba ringtone on my iPhone.

European coffee. Let’s face it, it’s better than anything in any English-pretending-to-be-American-pretending-to-be-Italian coffee chain. You know who you are. Actual Italian coffee. Venice was particularly nice.

Venice

I think they are all perfectly good reasons. I also think we’re living in a world where stopping and taking time for yourself is increasingly put on the back burner, something you can get round to doing later. It’s one of the reasons why, in the western world, we’re raising a generation that is unlikely to outlive its parents, no matter what the miracles are in modern medicine. Don’t count on being able to get a bionic version by the time you need it. It might not be there. Don’t believe me? Where are those hover boards we were promised, huh?

If you value yourself, think about it. Give yourself a chance to do so much more, by occasionally doing so much less.

90 minute sleep cycles and writing routine

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Anyone who knows me or who has been following this blog for a while knows that I am a huge fan of morning routine. This is the most important time of my day. It is my writing time. This time is GOLD.

Over the past few months, I’ve been trying to adjust to the fact I lose two mornings a week now to travel. My usual routine is to begin writing at six, but on those days I start travelling at six. I’m not going to tell you which I prefer. I think you already know the answer. If you’re my boss reading this, then you can choose to pretend it’s the travelling.

The thing that confused me most was that I seemed to struggle to recover so much on those days when I could do my routine as normal.

That was when I started to seriously look into the concept of the 90 minute sleep cycle. I haven’t mastered things just yet, but I’m starting to see some minor improvements.

You see, on the weeks I don’t have to travel, I have a regular bed time as well as wake up time. I’ve been doing my 6am morning routine for over four years now (maybe even longer) and my body found its evening bedtime naturally as a result.

The problem with adding the new travel to my schedule was that I was then so tired when I got back, I was going to bed an hour earlier to try and compensate, but somehow still felt terrible the next day. Having looked a bit more into the idea of 90 minute sleep cycles, I could start to see that I was probably actually making it worse without realising it.

This is still, of course, all theory for me. I’m tempted by the prospect of buying some kind of sleep tracker to see if what I believe and what is reality actually tie up. Perhaps the apple watch will ultimately track this. I don’t know, but I’m already looking for a reason to buy one. Not this year, obviously. I’ll let all those early adopters iron out all the bugs for me first. But anyway, I digress.

I’m going to continue to try to work my life around getting the most out of my sleep, so I can make the most out of my mornings. For anyone who wants to do more with their lives, then I strongly believe that making time for yourself before the rest of the world wakes up is the best way to do it. It takes commitment, and it takes using all the tips and tricks you can to make it work. Bed is, after all, a wonderful place to be. But I’ll be trying to make sure I stay in it for only n x 90 minutes at a time to make sure I wake up feeling ready to go, rather than just ready for coffee.*

 

 

 

 

*who am I kidding, I always wake up ready for coffee. That’s the real reason for waking up even if you’ve slept like a baby all night long… 

On never being 37

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This is a bit of a personal post, so if that’s not your thing, then feel free to head back off to somewhere else. Of course, it’s actually a post about avoidance and how the big events of our lives sometimes impact us in strange ways unless we realise it.

I am actually 37. Despite the title of the post, I didn’t get to skip the year. Aliens did not kidnap me nor did I get frozen in time. I have been 37 for many months, but from the day I turned 37, I started saying I was nearly 38. Not nearly 40, or some other universal milestone event. 38.

Why?

When I realised I’ve been doing it, it was immediately obvious. My mother was 38 when my dad died. His death was, hands down, the most monumental and life-altering moment of my existence. The effects of it have reverberated across my family and through the years. At the heart of it, I couldn’t imagine being so young and losing the love of your life. Losing, in the process, your own, in a very real way.

Being 38 has become symbolic to me of something deeper. Something terrifying. Something I am drawn towards and yet don’t really want to arrive. Something that is now, after months of saying that I’m nearly at it, I actually am beginning to approach.

We inherit the things that go before us, whether we want them or not. We can let them define us, or we can acknowledge them and accept them, before walking our own path. I am trying to cling tight to the idea of the latter, even as the clock ticks down towards a time that has become something of a monster in the back of my mind.

Can you get worse at meditation?

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At the beginning of the year, one of my main goals for 2015 was to get to the point where I could meditate for 30 minutes. I knew that it wouldn’t be easy, so I used the calm app for my phone so I could work my way through, starting with small chunks and building up.

Despite setting my expectations low, it’s been harder than I thought. I assumed that it would start off difficult but then I would have longer and longer periods of a calm and quiet mind. Instead, the voices are getting louder.

I’m not sure if this is a normal thing. There is a chance that I’m at that point which occurs with most things; the bit where it gets so bad you want to give up before the breakthrough. It could be that I’m actually getting worse at it. I might be the first person to ever end a year’s worth of meditation more stressed out than when I started.

I don’t want to give up on this though. Not just yet. I have a few more strategies I’m going to try:

1) changing the time of day. I’ve been doing it just before bed, but maybe that’s not right for me. Instead, I’m going to try to move it to part of my 6am morning routine, before I have the chaos of the day built up inside of me.

2) change the frequency. I set myself a goal of doing it three times a week, because that seems doable. It means it doesn’t form a habit though, so the inertia sets in between each session. While it might seem crazy to say I’m going to do it more when I’m already struggling to do it less, I can see the benefit of making it part of my daily routine.

3) reduce the time back down again. I’ve been trying to do ten minute blocks, because that seemed reasonable. It could be that sitting for ten minutes right now is more than my brain can handle, so it allows itself to turn into a free-for-all. Going down to five minutes (or perhaps even three), until I can see some progress might be enough for now. I can build up again when I’m ready.

So that’s the plan. If anyone has any helpful hints, or has been through this and come out the other side, then please let me know!